Greetings from a Last Minute Holiday Shopper

When I was a kid, the road to Christmas was long and winding. Weeks of buildup and anticipation felt more like years. All that waiting and waiting and waiting for the grand day of new games, toys and stuffed creatures. (Enter 90's classics such as Doodle Bear, Mr. Bucket, and Fetch Armstrong.)

Nowadays, December goes by in the blink of an eye. All of sudden it's almost Christmas Eve and I'm only just getting around to that shopping list. It's not even a long list, either. Just ask all three of its members.

Come to think of it, I will never be one of those people who gets their shopping done weeks or months in advance. On November 1st, I'm still carving pumpkins and drinking apple cider, thank you very much. Christmas shopping is for Christmas Eve Eve. And if that moniker sounds a bit excessive-- hey, isn't that what Christmas is all about? (I've eaten an excessive number of two-bite cupcakes at the office all month long.)

As for writing one of those long, uber-introspective nostalgic holiday entries-- meh. Did that last year.

What I'm most excited about this year is spending Christmas Eve with my significant other. After three years of dating and three Christmases apart, it's our first one together and it's all I really need. Forget about the iPad and yes, even the pony.

(OK, maybe I still want the pony.)

But seriously, what the hell happened in 2010? This Christmas snuck up on me. I ain't ready. Anyone else feel the same?

Oh well, there's no looking back now. On with decking the halls, jingling bells and rockin' around the tree.

All I want for Christmas is...

...You. Just kidding! A MacBook.

 

Eh, a bit pricey.

Something more realistic? A Kindle.

Or maybe I'll go with the Nook. Or a Kobo. Gah. Who can decide?

OK, I can settle for the Parks & Recreation Season 2 DVD.

Actually, I may or may not have already bought that as an early Christmas gift to myself.

I guess I'll stick with a good old fashioned pony.

Works for me.

Pre-Christmas Reflections

Is it really almost Christmas already? I think I say that every year. Honestly though, the past few weeks have whizzed right by. And I'm also at the point where I can say that the past few years seem to have whizzed right by, too. Just in case you haven't picked up on it yet in any of these posts, I am one of the most secretly sentimental 22-year-olds I know. Fittingly so, I find it nearly impossible not to be in a near-constant reminiscing state of mind-- especially on Christmas. (I wonder whether my tendency to over-analyze and over-sentimentalize everything in painstaking detail is the the mark of a writer's mind, or insanity. Or both.)

I remember my childhood Chrismases pretty fondly like anybody would. They had all the right elements: presents under the tree, seeing [almost] all of my cousins, endless amounts of chocolate, etc. Indeed, Christmas is experienced in its purest form when we're children, when it consists only of toys, food, and fun. There's no stress or drama yet; that privilege is reserved for the adults (unless you're like Charlie Brown: wise beyond your years).

But of course, when the obligations and conflicts that the holidays create start piling up, the pure joy gets slowly filtered out. That's what happened as I got older-- much of the magic started to disappear. Like any child on the verge of adolescence, I lost my faith in Santa Claus, realizing that Christmas presents were not mysterious gifts from the North Pole, but the direct result of my parents' hard work and everyday sacrifices.

Coupled with that was my falling away from the Church. It became harder to sing songs like "O Holy Night" at Mass when I couldn't appreciate them on a deeper religious level like I was supposed to. I wish I was more of a believer, not because I'm "supposed to" (thank goodness my family doesn't force religion upon any of us), but because I'd probably get more out of Christmas. (I'm not a full-out atheist, but I'm doubtful that God exists, if that makes any sense.)

But hey now, don't get any ideas-- I promise I'm no Scrooge. If anything, all of us are surrounded by Scrooges these days, what with the neverending talk of the recession and uncertain times. Life isn't easy, but I'm just grateful that my family and friends are alive and okay. We have a roof over our heads. My parents still have their jobs. I have a job. Life is tough, but at least we have life. That might seem like a 52-year-old's way of looking at the world rather than a 22-year-old, but I guess I'm an old fogey.

Most importantly, I don't need dozens of glittery, sparkly presents to enjoy myself, or else I'd be buying into the whole holiday sham. I see through the facade of our gift-obsessed culture and I refuse to get lost in it. I do like getting gifts-- who doesn't?-- but I don't need a gift to verify Christmas (and I'd much rather give them). That might sound hopelessly cliche, but a lot of people still don't get that.

Recent years have also brightened my holiday season like never before, ever since being lucky enough to share it with someone special in my life. Some of my favorite memories of our relationship are from Christmas activities and events that we experienced together: making gingerbread houses in the Italian Kitchen at Villanova, visiting the Rockefeller tree, attending and hosting holiday theme parties. "Merry Christmas Darling" by the Carpenters sums up my feelings pretty accurately at the moment:

I've just one wish
On this Christmas Eve
I wish I were with you
I wish I were with you.

I never thought twice about all those melancholy Christmas songs until I was in love, of course. And yet the hurt of missing a significant other is also something to be grateful about-- I'd rather have her to miss than no one at all. But for now, I'll have to be content with listening to the Chipmunks' "Christmas Don't Be Late," making a vanilla pudding pie, and putting up a few last decorations with my mother. Merry Christmas, readers.

Christmas Songs: The Kookier, The Better

It's the holiday season, and you know what that means. Chesnuts roasting on an open fire? Herald angels singing? Peace on Earth and goodwill towards men?

I wish. The holidays are perhaps best defined by the well-known fact that Christmas tunes are played out to no end on the radio for a period ranging anywhere from 4-6 weeks. New York City's own 106.7 Lite FM "got an early jump this year" (they proudly said it themselves) by beginning the musical showcase just a few days before Thanksgiving. Not surprisingly, at this point I've nearly memorized Lite FM's entire Christmas playlist, since the radio remains my faithful companion throughout the workweek.

Thus, being an amateur expert of holiday music (translation: having been exposed to the same songs over and over again in an endless, sugary loop), I've come to notice an interesting pattern: Christmas songs are weird. On the surface level, the predictability and innocence of our favorite holiday hits is comfortably mundane. However, a closer listen to the lyrics reveals some serious "WTF?" moments. Let me care to elaborate.

"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year," Andy Williams

Mr. Williams' version of this song is, in this blogger's opinion, the #1 most overplayed Christmas song of all time. The third stanza is composed as follows:

There'll be parties for hosting / Marshmallows for toasting / And caroling out in the snow / There'll be scary ghost stories / And tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago

Ghost stories? I'm sorry, what? I don't know about you, but if I had tried scaring my younger siblings and cousins with spooky tales of the macabre before sitting down to dinner, then I would've received an ass-whooping. Let's save the ghost stories for Halloween, people. (Except A Christmas Carol. Dickens, you're excused... this time.)

"Santa Claus is Coming to Town"

Typical happy, jolly holiday fare, right? Wrong. Who can forget this iconic line:

He sees you when you're sleeping / He knows when you're awake / He knows if you've been bad or good / So be good for goodness sake!

With these words, Santa Claus is officially outed as the world's most talented stalker. Furthermore, one couldn't possibly be good for goodness's sake while knowing that Santa remains ever-vigilant. Good luck falling asleep tonight, kids.

"Christmas Tree," Lady Gaga
Okay, maybe this one isn't a classic (yet). But there's just too much pleasure in listening to Gaga make no effort to be discreet in her innuendo-filled Christmas number (and too much pleasure in me getting to write about it).

Light me up put me on top, let's falalalalalalalala

Unless the star or angel atop the tree is actually talking to us, I believe something highly sexual is going on here, and it doesn't involve caroling.

Ho ho ho, under the mistletoe / Yes, everybody knows / We will take off our clothes / Yes, if you want us to we will

Like I always said, nudity and Christmas go together like peanut butter and sushi.

You, oh, oh, a Christmas / My Christmas tree is delicious / Oh, oh, a Christmas / My Christmas tree is delicious

Personally, I've never tasted a Christmas tree before, nor do I know anyone who has (unless we are referring to my grandmother's delicious tree-shaped sugar cookies). Therefore, I can only conclude that it is a metaphor for the female ge-- oh, you know.


These are some of the wackier moments in holiday song history, and they're just a few of many. Now if you'll excuse me, the responsibilities of adulthood and Gloria Estefan's spicy rendition of "Let it Snow" on Lite FM await me.

(Feel free to add your own kooky holiday lyrics in the Comments section.)