The Soundtrack to Your [High School] Life

Remember these relics?

Recently, a feature on NPR Music asked its readers and listeners what albums got them through their teens.

Not surprisingly, the article prompted over 500 reader responses, including albums from the Beatles, Pink Floyd and Simon & Garfunkel. I was itching to weigh in with my own answers, yet I initially found it difficult to come up with specific albums.

Intead, what came to my mind almost immediately were individual songs themselves. Being at the tail end of the "Mix CD Generation" of the early 2000s, my high school friends and I often exchanged CDs at our lockers with one another. We did this on birthdays, holidays, or on random designated days just for kicks. Our mixes were a messy mash-up of different artists, styles and genres. A punk cover of the Backstreet Boys' "I Want It That Way" followed by Jay Z's "99 Problems?" Totally normal. Pretty soon, a majority of my music collection was homemade (not including the Britney Spears and Backstreet Boys albums from my teenybopper youth).

The more diverse our creations turned out, the better. Best of all, mixes made great personal gifts, since each song was hand-chosen by its creator before being ripped to the CD-R. Such was the beginning of the decline of record stores. And as we all bought iPods and began to digitally download music straight to the source, the Mix CD Generation quickly became a thing of the past.

That being said, not all of the albums of my adolescence fell into the mix category. Many of the essential tunes from my teenage years came from the following five albums.

1. Rockin' the Suburbs (Ben Folds) - The first Ben Folds album I ever owned started a near-obsession with this piano god. It's a classic, from the popular "Annie Waits" and "Zak & Sara" to the deliciously alliterative "Losing Lisa" and "Carrying Cathy." These songs were hands down the most played on my iPod, whether I was commuting to high school on the short-lived Q "diamond" express, or trekking home again from a long day, stuck on the slow crawl of the Q local.
2. Heavier Things (John Mayer) - My memories of this album mainly involve summertime train trips out to Long Island and creating a music video in my head to the track entitled "Split Screen Sadness" (don't laugh). It was, predictably enough, envisioned split-screen style, with two almost-lovers travelling in opposite directions on two different trains. Told you not to laugh! I may have a budding career in film & video here.
3. Greatest Hits (The Pretenders) - The only Pretenders song I was familiar with before a friend burned me a copy of this CD was my karaoke favorite "I'll Stand By You." It was then that I embraced the perennial coolness of Chrissie Hynde--a rare female rock band leader of her time-- and 80s music caught me by the throat and never let me go. Call it a guilty pleasure, call me crazy, call me born in the wrong decade, but I just can't resist.
4. Gimme Fiction (Spoon) - It's hard to believe there existed a time when I wasn't listening to Spoon. At first I dismissed them as sleepy and dark, but then I fell in love with by "I Summon You" long before "Scrubs" gave the song mainstream exposure. Gimme Fiction was entrancing, and future albums proved that Spoon is a group that continues to do the impossible: they get better with age.
5. Rent Soundtrack (Original 1996 Cast) - Rent was the first musical that actually resonated with me (sorry, Little Women) and about a million other children of the new millenium. While I didn't see the show until 2005, I'd been singing along to the soundtrack years before that. Looking past those who'd seen the show at least a dozen times and knew every line by heart, Rent was edgy and gripping in its sexual openness, an openness I couldn't yet display for myself.

That's just a snippet of the full soundtrack to my teenage life. What was yours?

Idol Worship: Why I Still Watch

I was 15 years old when I watched Kelly Clarkson belt out "A Moment Like This" on the finale of the inaugural season of American Idol back in 2002.
Eight years and eight seasons later, I'm still glued to the TV screen Tuesday and Wednesday nights, usually with my mother plopped next to me, on any given week from January through May. And sometimes Dad too.

Why though, do I still watch this ridiculous show?

Shouldn't I know better? (Yes.) Don't I have anything else to do? (Yes.) Am I embarrassed? (No, not at all.)

Here's the thing: my right to hold an intellectual opinion of any kind shouldn't be flushed down the toilet just because I can name the winners and runners-up of every season of Idol. And the third place finishers. And possibly the fourth and fifth place finishers.

Getting back to the point: the unfoolish American Idol fan remains ever-conscious of the program's flaws. That is, in order to maintain our credibility, we must always demonstrate a heightened awareness of the shams, gimmicks and annoyances that plague the competition year after year. The examples are innumerable: Ryan Seacrest's unwavering douchedom; the heinously tone deaf, costume-clad contestants from first round auditions; Paula Abdul (a moment of silence, please).

The last two years in particular have brought with them a whirlwind of change to Fox's biggest hit. Viewers have had to accept an Idol mantra of out with the old judges (speaking of Paula), in with the new judges (enter Kara DioGuardi in Season 8 and Ellen DeGeneres in Season 9), with the most massive change lingering ominously on the horizon: Simon Cowell, the man we love ultimately more than we love to hate, will not be returning to the table in 2011. And to top it all off, critics everywhere seem to agree that this year's crop of Top 12 hopefuls is the show's weakest group to date.

And yet, through it all, we cling to the basic ideals that make Idol still taste so sugary sweet to us, long after the fruits of our beloved musical competition have soured.

First, there's the classic rags-to-riches element of the show. Fantasia Barrino was a functionally illiterate single mom-turned-Idol champion. Who could top that? Carrie Underwood, perhaps. Just one season later, the former farmgirl had to sell her horse to save up enough money for a plane ticket to her audition. Months later, she was crowned Queen of the Idols at the Nokia Theater. You just can't make this stuff up.

Second, the vicariousness factor. Each year, I can't help but attach myself to one or two contestants and root my ass off for them. This doesn't necessarily involve making signs in bright neon lettering or homemade shirts with misshapen iron-on faces. However, it may require phoning in more than just one vote for them during that brief two-hour period. (When your monthly AT&T bill consists of more calls to American Idol than to friends and family, that's when you know you've got a problem, buddy. Not the case for this blogger. Yet.) A favorite contestant's success feels a bit like our success; if not for our votes, where would they be?

Third and most importantly, the music keeps us coming back. Throughout the course of an entire season, we witness young talent bubble up and explode into full bloom. There's a rush in hearing a newcomer breathe new life into a favorite song, of seeing and hearing artistry in action (see Jason Castro's version of "Hallelujah" circa Season 8). While the ghosts of Idol seasons past (1-6) only had to worry about singing a song and making it sound nice, ever since A) participants were allowed to play instruments in the competition and B) the success of innovative Season 7 champ David Cook, creativity is certainly a requirement. And it's a damn good one too, having raised the bar on a show that was beginning to look and sound a little stale.

This year I took an instant liking to contestant Crystal Bowersox, who's provided an estrogen-heavy dose of homegrown bluesy rock to Season 9 (translation: exactly what the show needed). Not surprisingly, she also became an early favorite of the judges. I'm 100% confident Crystal will make it to the final 2, but I'm equally confident that she's probably going to finish second to whoever's standing beside her at the Nokia in May. Heartbreaking upsets are no stranger to American Idol, especially on finale night.

My darkhorse candidate to take the crown is quirky, theatrical Siobhan Magnus. Her voice is one part sweetness, two parts spice, like a dose of "honey-dipped fury" (to quote an NPR music review I read recently). If she wins (by some bizarre, incredibly lucky twist of fate), it’ll be a huge victory for the Lambert-esque misfits who only ever so far in the competition. Forget the Glee kids-- back home, Siobhan works as a glassblower's apprentice. If that isn't weird, I don't know what else is.

And so, as Season 9-- the final year in the Era of Cowell-- prepares to enter the homestretch, here's to the success of these two talented ladies. Coupled with the aforementioned, they're part of what makes American Idol still worth watching.

Then again... I was always a sucker for cute girls with pretty voices. Darn.

Christmas Songs: The Kookier, The Better

It's the holiday season, and you know what that means. Chesnuts roasting on an open fire? Herald angels singing? Peace on Earth and goodwill towards men?

I wish. The holidays are perhaps best defined by the well-known fact that Christmas tunes are played out to no end on the radio for a period ranging anywhere from 4-6 weeks. New York City's own 106.7 Lite FM "got an early jump this year" (they proudly said it themselves) by beginning the musical showcase just a few days before Thanksgiving. Not surprisingly, at this point I've nearly memorized Lite FM's entire Christmas playlist, since the radio remains my faithful companion throughout the workweek.

Thus, being an amateur expert of holiday music (translation: having been exposed to the same songs over and over again in an endless, sugary loop), I've come to notice an interesting pattern: Christmas songs are weird. On the surface level, the predictability and innocence of our favorite holiday hits is comfortably mundane. However, a closer listen to the lyrics reveals some serious "WTF?" moments. Let me care to elaborate.

"It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year," Andy Williams

Mr. Williams' version of this song is, in this blogger's opinion, the #1 most overplayed Christmas song of all time. The third stanza is composed as follows:

There'll be parties for hosting / Marshmallows for toasting / And caroling out in the snow / There'll be scary ghost stories / And tales of the glories of Christmases long, long ago

Ghost stories? I'm sorry, what? I don't know about you, but if I had tried scaring my younger siblings and cousins with spooky tales of the macabre before sitting down to dinner, then I would've received an ass-whooping. Let's save the ghost stories for Halloween, people. (Except A Christmas Carol. Dickens, you're excused... this time.)

"Santa Claus is Coming to Town"

Typical happy, jolly holiday fare, right? Wrong. Who can forget this iconic line:

He sees you when you're sleeping / He knows when you're awake / He knows if you've been bad or good / So be good for goodness sake!

With these words, Santa Claus is officially outed as the world's most talented stalker. Furthermore, one couldn't possibly be good for goodness's sake while knowing that Santa remains ever-vigilant. Good luck falling asleep tonight, kids.

"Christmas Tree," Lady Gaga
Okay, maybe this one isn't a classic (yet). But there's just too much pleasure in listening to Gaga make no effort to be discreet in her innuendo-filled Christmas number (and too much pleasure in me getting to write about it).

Light me up put me on top, let's falalalalalalalala

Unless the star or angel atop the tree is actually talking to us, I believe something highly sexual is going on here, and it doesn't involve caroling.

Ho ho ho, under the mistletoe / Yes, everybody knows / We will take off our clothes / Yes, if you want us to we will

Like I always said, nudity and Christmas go together like peanut butter and sushi.

You, oh, oh, a Christmas / My Christmas tree is delicious / Oh, oh, a Christmas / My Christmas tree is delicious

Personally, I've never tasted a Christmas tree before, nor do I know anyone who has (unless we are referring to my grandmother's delicious tree-shaped sugar cookies). Therefore, I can only conclude that it is a metaphor for the female ge-- oh, you know.


These are some of the wackier moments in holiday song history, and they're just a few of many. Now if you'll excuse me, the responsibilities of adulthood and Gloria Estefan's spicy rendition of "Let it Snow" on Lite FM await me.

(Feel free to add your own kooky holiday lyrics in the Comments section.)